The Abditory Blog

It's been a week of celebrations, some nights longer than the usual, parties and celebrations with people get longer. It's been a month of reflections, somewhere between feeling lost and found, and I feel grounded again. I feel like I need to run before I can fly, I wonder when I'll be ready to leave the ground and spread these enormous wings that I carry over my shoulders right now.  With everything that is happening, I feel very nervous. I know I want to do great things and achieve great things, but right now I feel like a failure and I need someone to help me see more practically and clearly. If me today had to give advice to me from yesterday, who was lost and didn't know what she was going to do I would say that she didn't have to worry so much about choosing a career path, that life was going to take her exactly where she needed to be. That if she just believed in herself more, and put in some time and work in learning and doing things, she would reach the suc...

I have had quite a few crushes's over the last few years, and well I am not going to lie with each crush the butterflies become a bit lesser, but never the less still very existent.  Last evening I went to meet Maximus, now I would like to argue he is more of a friend than I would like him to be a partner because he might be a bit too dreamy for me.  However, he might very well be a reason that I got back to dreaming in my life and also just wanting so much more than just staying in a studio apartment in Dubai. I reconnected with him after our 3 months no-contact period, where I just messaged to ask how he was, I think he was just too needy at that point which is why he pushed to meet.  Quite a few conversations later, we ended up meeting at a movie with Rohan, quite a weird mix of people I'd say, however it was so different than I had always seen him to be. He was so caring, so dominant, so strong. You're right I am so wildly attracted, but not from my head, because in m...

21st April 2022, after taking almost the 50th video of her crying for the very same reason she drinks a sip of water. She looks at her old photos, her younger self from Snapchat, and feels absolute sympathy and empathy for that person. While typing this blog her tears roll out, she feels guilty for not being there, for not understanding, for being unkind to herself throughout, for being angry. She had all the reasons to be.  She's been all over the place this past week, her routine messed up, her sleep schedule in a dilly dally, her exhausted self trying to build the blocks that are going to get her away from here almost like on a magic carpet, like a dream. She is trying, but she feels so lost, un-guided, she listens to a prayer song on youtube,  "Oh my God!  There is no one but Thee to allay the anguish of my soul, and Thou art my highest aspiration, O my God.  My heart is wedded to none save Thee and such as Thou dost love.  I solemnly declare that my life an...

As time goes by, we tend to forget the numerous moments that formed up our lives just like atoms, to describe it to the dot.  Many people form happy memories. Lying flat on the bed, listening to my mum and sister talk about dinner, I look through some old photos from college that I don't recall on a normal day at all. It's beautiful the many uncountable tiny moments you don't expect, but that come up while looking through a few photographs.  Are hormones uncontrollable?  It's 16th October 2021. Khana hai Nitin? Guddi Bhabhi asks. Everyone is seated at the table. I feel comfortable sitting at the brown sofa. I feel very sad. I feel directionless. I feel super lost and super sad. I am back again at not knowing what to do. I don't know if God exists anymore. Because for my entire life I have kept trying to think I am special. Kept trying to think positive but I am finally over all of this. Life sucks. I am at such a saturation point right now. I just want to rant. I ha...

"I don't want this anymore, I am not sure if I want to continue to see each other". Tears rolled down her eyes, she was so tired of it all not working out. For over 2 years she kept trying, trying to find the one, trying to persevere, not give up. Her 3 weeks trip to India made her feel all the love she needed, maybe she was a bit lonely, maybe she was looking for support. Sometimes it's good to have that, it can make all the difference. I feel bad for her.  We make our own destiny, at least that's what she believed. Whenever the decision would be taken by another person, it would leave her devastated, there would be nothing she could do about it. The choice wasn't hers, the decision wasn't hers. No amount of persevering would work.  I would be angry with God too if I was in her shoes. It is unfair, and it is sad. Life has been playing with her since the beginning esp with emotions and close ones. Maybe that's her fate, to not be able to have any love....

The irony of life is how it gives us things which help us grow, this book has had such amazing short stories with a beautiful two fold purpose, one of educating ourselves and two to show us the positive side of life. I am not sure how I am going to write everything I find important down in one summary that will definitely not suffice the knowledge it has shared with me,   but I do hope personally it’ll help me remember these stories when I read this.   Readers Digest - Mind Power   Emotions & Health   Physicians have known that the mind could make the body ill. A common cluster called neuro-circulatory asthenia helps differentiate between physical illness and mental illness.   Mind evokes certain automatic responses for the body. Think about food and you salivate. Words or thoughts can prepare sexual organs for function, and cause a blush or goose flesh. But more serious effects can be wrought by emotion.   An emotional alarm had been ...

11/2/2021  3:40 pm You feel too focused on other peoples lives, that's why you aren't able to figure things out in your own. Everyone has a growth phase. So worry about your own, every one has some issue or the other, if they got money easily and seem very lucky, they probably aren't content with it.  So yes how do we focus. I suggest like taking just one task. Just one task. Forget about all the other tasks that you have. Focus on it. The truth behind avoiding it all is you just don't want to.  okay, listen to me. Why are you panicking? You're getting only 20% of the stuff that you could actually get done because your mind is constantly thinking about how you're not going to have the laptop in a few days.  Okay now i want to be focused. I want to earn proper money through Ig and Yt. I cannot, cannot waste time anymore. You have the internet to figure out the how!!