The Abditory Blog

21st April 2022, after taking almost the 50th video of her crying for the very same reason she drinks a sip of water. She looks at her old photos, her younger self from Snapchat, and feels absolute sympathy and empathy for that person. While typing this blog her tears roll out, she feels guilty for not being there, for not understanding, for being unkind to herself throughout, for being angry. She had all the reasons to be.  She's been all over the place this past week, her routine messed up, her sleep schedule in a dilly dally, her exhausted self trying to build the blocks that are going to get her away from here almost like on a magic carpet, like a dream. She is trying, but she feels so lost, un-guided, she listens to a prayer song on youtube,  "Oh my God!  There is no one but Thee to allay the anguish of my soul, and Thou art my highest aspiration, O my God.  My heart is wedded to none save Thee and such as Thou dost love.  I solemnly declare that my life an...

As time goes by, we tend to forget the numerous moments that formed up our lives just like atoms, to describe it to the dot.  Many people form happy memories. Lying flat on the bed, listening to my mum and sister talk about dinner, I look through some old photos from college that I don't recall on a normal day at all. It's beautiful the many uncountable tiny moments you don't expect, but that come up while looking through a few photographs.  Are hormones uncontrollable?  It's 16th October 2021. Khana hai Nitin? Guddi Bhabhi asks. Everyone is seated at the table. I feel comfortable sitting at the brown sofa. I feel very sad. I feel directionless. I feel super lost and super sad. I am back again at not knowing what to do. I don't know if God exists anymore. Because for my entire life I have kept trying to think I am special. Kept trying to think positive but I am finally over all of this. Life sucks. I am at such a saturation point right now. I just want to rant. I ha...

"I don't want this anymore, I am not sure if I want to continue to see each other". Tears rolled down her eyes, she was so tired of it all not working out. For over 2 years she kept trying, trying to find the one, trying to persevere, not give up. Her 3 weeks trip to India made her feel all the love she needed, maybe she was a bit lonely, maybe she was looking for support. Sometimes it's good to have that, it can make all the difference. I feel bad for her.  We make our own destiny, at least that's what she believed. Whenever the decision would be taken by another person, it would leave her devastated, there would be nothing she could do about it. The choice wasn't hers, the decision wasn't hers. No amount of persevering would work.  I would be angry with God too if I was in her shoes. It is unfair, and it is sad. Life has been playing with her since the beginning esp with emotions and close ones. Maybe that's her fate, to not be able to have any love....

The irony of life is how it gives us things which help us grow, this book has had such amazing short stories with a beautiful two fold purpose, one of educating ourselves and two to show us the positive side of life. I am not sure how I am going to write everything I find important down in one summary that will definitely not suffice the knowledge it has shared with me,   but I do hope personally it’ll help me remember these stories when I read this.   Readers Digest - Mind Power   Emotions & Health   Physicians have known that the mind could make the body ill. A common cluster called neuro-circulatory asthenia helps differentiate between physical illness and mental illness.   Mind evokes certain automatic responses for the body. Think about food and you salivate. Words or thoughts can prepare sexual organs for function, and cause a blush or goose flesh. But more serious effects can be wrought by emotion.   An emotional alarm had been ...

11/2/2021  3:40 pm You feel too focused on other peoples lives, that's why you aren't able to figure things out in your own. Everyone has a growth phase. So worry about your own, every one has some issue or the other, if they got money easily and seem very lucky, they probably aren't content with it.  So yes how do we focus. I suggest like taking just one task. Just one task. Forget about all the other tasks that you have. Focus on it. The truth behind avoiding it all is you just don't want to.  okay, listen to me. Why are you panicking? You're getting only 20% of the stuff that you could actually get done because your mind is constantly thinking about how you're not going to have the laptop in a few days.  Okay now i want to be focused. I want to earn proper money through Ig and Yt. I cannot, cannot waste time anymore. You have the internet to figure out the how!! 

Am I too afraid of things that I forget to live? Well, I like the office lifestyle, it's not too bad, I like working on strategies, and marketing ideas. Today I found out one of my college mates passed away in a car accident. She was 25.  I wonder right now sitting in this office, did she get to do the things that she loved? I have been waiting to reach financial independence for a while now, and now that I reached it, I am too scared to get out there and for stuff because I have become too comfortable. I have been sitting scared for my life.  I met Bastien - this french entrepreneur, I don't agree with a lot of the things he is doing, but something I agree with his philosophy of living life, that we can die at any point and are we really doing the things we love?  I value this life. I really do, and I would be haunting earth if I didn't do the stuff I really loved.  Read this please whenever you feel like you don't know what you are doing -  I am moving forward...

I don't want to get into too many stories, but I do want to say, for the brief amount of time I had met this guy, I thought I was in a dream. Got the right values, the right attitude, the money, the ambition, the looks, the country, the focus, this is exactly the type of guy I wanted to date.  Also a hopeless romantic, loved the online letters and getting stuck in the desert with him. I want to write this little blog on him because there were a lot of takeaways, well yes it obviously didn't work out.  It was very interesting to meet this person because he was one of those rich people I have always wanted to find out things about. By the time he was just 14 he had already learned to get into eh dark web, and by the time he is 25 he has already a ton of crypto and is involved in much bigger projects.  Thinking about it I really have much less exposure to the world out there, because honestly I just got to know about the dark web like 2 months ago. Say what? I didn't even kn...