I want to be everywhere and no where at the same time, what a paradox. What is it that I want out of life? I want a beautiful home to live in, which I decorate, and why can't I have it? I can. Whether it's holiday homes, or even any other kind of homes. I can also make and sell businesses. I want to join classes, dance, ceramic, go for party raves, etc. I want to grow the business as well, which means content creation. I can take control of my life, the way I want it to be. I want to take care of my body, and make meal plans, and go out on girls nights, and make friends, that I hang out with and do cool things with. I want to do a course, maybe in Oxford next summer, I want to donate, and collaborate, and create communities. Why not, be bold enough to dream it, and it'll happen, no matter what, that's what happened with drip isn't it. Creating a balance for myself, what's my routine, and schedule looking like, what do I want to do. I want to go roller skating and sand duning, and out to the desert 🐪
I did feel a tad bit liberating when I drove. I don't want to be reckless. I need to increase wealth. I need to set processes. I want to do a course, every week, let's plan a temporary week for me shall we? What does that look like. I don't want to be playing mind games with boys, they suck me into involuntary mind games, which is HELLA taxing for me. I am tired of having to take care of a boy, of my family. At 27 I choose me, I want to take care of me, and do things for me, and be there for me, because I don't have anyone else to look at.
I am learning a couple patterns in myself, one I really like feeling like a baby with my partner, I like to be protected, from the world, from anyone, for someone who stands up for me, I think it's very important, but what I am realizing is that I need to build relationships around me that become my safe haven, I need to start building circles of trust, of care, of comfort, and I need to identify who will and will not be there for me. Trust is built slowly for me. The second is I need to create routines, structure, and understand how I work, which I have been doing in the last couple months, so this shouldn't be very hard, amidst this though, you do need to put up content creation at the center too.
I want to be open and creating content, why can't I be. I have followed creators for years, I have also created people who follow me for years, so why not me.
What would the better me do? I just happened to finish watching "Living with yourself" with Paul Rudd, what a show, it explored themes of what would happen if you were replaced by the better version than yourself in your life, and how much better it could be, and it helps us see creatively in live action, how much better our relationships, our mind, and our feelings would be. It also says a really important line which says
Why can’t I be happy for once?”
Maia: “Because you didn’t earn it.”
This line, that happiness is earned is actually quite important. It's a theme that should be explored so much more.
What's first then?
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