It's been a week of celebrations, some nights longer than the usual, parties and celebrations with people get longer. It's been a month of reflections, somewhere between feeling lost and found, and I feel grounded again. I feel like I need to run before I can fly, I wonder when I'll be ready to leave the ground and spread these enormous wings that I carry over my shoulders right now.
With everything that is happening, I feel very nervous. I know I want to do great things and achieve great things, but right now I feel like a failure and I need someone to help me see more practically and clearly. If me today had to give advice to me from yesterday, who was lost and didn't know what she was going to do I would say that she didn't have to worry so much about choosing a career path, that life was going to take her exactly where she needed to be. That if she just believed in herself more, and put in some time and work in learning and doing things, she would reach the success of what she had in mind faster.
Let's look - 2008 Neha - Crying hysterically, wanting to get out of her horrible house, only wanting one thing, to get her own place, hoping she could have a good life.
2014 Neha - worried, trying real hard to join the college in the USA, knowing she had absolutely no chance, she didn't know what course to do.
2017 Neha - Heartbroken, and underwhelmed thinking her heart had been broken and that no one was ever going to love her, that she wasn't good enough, that she was too short to be liked, that she wasn't that pretty.
2018 Neha - Not knowing which career path she should take, not knowing where to go, desperate for any job.
2020 Neha - Not knowing how to get out, depressed and sad, in a state where she wanted to run away, no jobs again, in the midst of covid.
2022 Neha - Took on too much, with her job and the freelance, and everything, still holding up tight, but working until 3AM.
Every year, there has been a new challenge, every year my idea of life felt like it was slipping, every year I didn't know where I was headed, and every year I have felt miserable in some way or the other, but the outcome every year, has always been good, EVERY SINGLE YEAR, there has been a way out, there has been a better life ahead, a better future, a better journey, a better show, better friends, and you have become better.
Let's think of anything that has worked out badly?
The living situation with Gautu mama? That was quite bad when the relationship doomed
The annoying situation with Manasa and the third-year senators, where they planned against me.
Have been really unlucky with love, just been very unfortunate to either meet boys that aren't ready to commit, or who don't care enough to put in any effort. I think more than anything, even my downfalls in my professional life, stem from the stubborn waves in my personal love life, well, can't have everything right.
In terms of financials, or in terms of anything monetarily, did anything go bad?
I think I have always been able to live an average life, with the money I earn, always trying to stay within a budget. I don't think I have been broke ever, and well I think I have the skillset to earn from where ever I am.
I have always been ambitious, and right now I am moving back into this place of uncertainty, this mental space of which I am not exactly fond of.
So I really need to analyze or call my future self for help. I really need to look into the future to know what's out there waiting for me, so I can live worry-free or change what I need to right now to have a better future.
So let me see what I would say to Neha from the different years, to analyze how I would possibly grow and guide myself accordingly now.
Let's look - 2008 Neha - Crying hysterically, wanting to get out of her horrible house, only wanting one thing, to get her own place, hoping she could have a good life - To Neha from 2008, I want to say that you are going to grow up to be so attractive with all the passions, and talents you have, that you don't have to sit in the bathroom crying about Neil, or any guy in school. To you, I want to say, just enjoy the moment, enjoy your time with your sister, and work hard, and omg, believe. BELIEVE you can make it big.
2014 Neha - worried, trying real hard to join the college in the USA, knowing she had absolutely no chance, she didn't know what course to do. Belief is something, isn't it? One piece of advice I would give you is to believe that it was possible, you found out about the opportunities way later, and you didn't think it was possible to get scholarships, but maybe this would have changed your life. You wanted it, but for some reason, you really wanted to stay back didn't you? You wanted to be around the family, not fly, you were afraid of doing it all alone, you were conflicted? If something tells you, you should do it, you should. A bit of planning and you could have also been a role model for your sister to shift with you in the coming year, just like Anisha and her brother are shifting to the same place. You have to take chances.
2017 Neha - Heartbroken, and underwhelmed thinking her heart had been broken and that no one was ever going to love her, that she wasn't good enough, that she was too short to be liked, that she wasn't that pretty. All I want to tell all the Neha's there are is that the kind of satisfaction you will get from reading about different things, sitting on the grass, watching sunsets, painting, forming good friendships, and taking those trips are all worth way more than trying to find the one. Although you might feel alone sometimes, trust me, it's not worth spending your time missing someone, or just feeling sad because they are not in your life, instead spend that time knowing about yourself, taking yourself out on dates, talking to people you care about, stop being involved in trivial things, read about mysteries, find people who are passionate, about things, go on hikes, push your limits. It is all so much more rewarding.
2018 Neha - Not knowing which career path she should take, not knowing where to go, desperate for any job. This has been one of the most difficult choices to make but everything fell into place, you worked hard, and all the effort you had put into learning to make Youtube Videos, and Instagram influencing helped out, and they will continue to help in the future. Work on your projects because even if you think they are not successful, they will be of use and help in the future.
"Neha, you are capable of way more than you think."
You are a way-finder, you push through, you persevere, and when you're in a situation you think very smartly, even the slightest motivation only pushes you further.
2020 Neha - Not knowing how to get out, depressed and sad, in a state where she wanted to run away, no jobs again, in the midst of covid.
Right now, I can tell you, that all of this doesn't matter, you have a beautiful life, a life that you love, experiences that you cherish for your entire life, and people that'll inspire you. In life, you're always going to have some trouble with particular people, but that does not mean that your entire life is going downhill. Neha, you need to understand to use your emotions as a strength, direct them in the right direction, and push them to thinking about the ideal future you want to have, instead of wallowing in the past. The past needs to be used as a strength, regret does not bring you anywhere. You need to be proud of the decisions you have made, stand by them, and work towards building a better future, the one you dream of, even if you think it's not possible at the moment, you should look forward to persevering and making it happen. Always ALWAYS assume the best is happening, this way the rejections won't hurt. After all, there are 7 billion people on this planet, which means you live in a world of infinite opportunities. So stop worrying. Accept the moments, and let go.
2022 Neha - Took on too much, with her job and the freelance, and everything, still holding up tight, but working until 3AM.
To this Neha, I want to say, you are a hard worker, and because you believe you can, you're able to afford a few luxuries in life that you have always dreamed off. Keep pushing your limits, and make smart decisions. Again believe in yourself, and trust yourself. Neha, you can do this. You have done it all by yourself, and you are capable enough of handling things on your own.
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