Unorganized

I have been living alone for almost a year now. I want to believe I am doing okay - but the fact remains, I have been very unorganized and I need to work a lot to reach where I need to. I have become obsessive in checking what everyone is doing esp Mido and Milli. I can't believe I am attached to them when I spent hardly a few hours with each. What's with me is that I can't let them go. Why do I get so attached to people with who I think I see a future with. Why do I crave a relationship so bad? 

I fall for people who are independent and trying to reach goals in their lives, but this also ends up meaning that they do not have time for me. Am I crazy? I def am becoming crazy. How do I stop feeling lonely, I want to feel loved. I want to feel wanted, is there no one to help me? 

I am trying to pray, I can't stay focused, maybe I need to go to India. Maybe I just need to sleep. I feel energetic on some days and some days I feel like shit. I am not sure what I could do, I want someone to cuddle me, and bite me and hold me and call me theirs, but someone I want to as well.

The only questions I have are why me. I am victimizing myself a bit too much, Dubai might not be the best place for me, maybe I need to go else where, maybe I should consider sweden or USA. I am not sure. 

Should I restart, I am 23 already- I am going to mid age soon. I want to own a house by 25. I can do that, I will be able to do that but if I am fucking able to sort my head out. 

I look at these Instagram models, Chiara Ferragni, Negin, and more and see their life together - I always thought oh when I am that age everything will be fine even with me, unfortunately, I am doubting it now,because I already am 23 and I have achieved literally nothing that I have wanted to. In fact I am in some deep mental issue I think, highly moody, and am so needy. 

I know everything will be fine, I will become a big business woman one day and I will have everything I need to. I want to have it young, and I want to start now. 

I need to start by the smaller steps, but to just even do the task, I am procrastinating - I don't seem to care. 

I need to look within. I need Mido. I need Milli, I need Mojo - I need them to love me.