Trauma

In the happiest of moments, when it feels like a rush of joy flushing through your body. Nothing can stop you now, everything seems doable, everything seems to be okay, you're laughing, everything should be okay. At this very moment, the heart starts beating more heavily, suddenly you're unable to breathe, the distressing, painful memories suddenly start to surface up, now you're forcefully stuck in a loop of thoughts relating to the memory. Trying to justify or look for answers of the incident. 

A loud sound of a blast suddenly echos in his ear for years together, in a moment, his entire world is now different, there's nothing you can do, it was meant to happen, everyone said, its gods will. There's no way to describe the pain. 

Dark and unknown in the midst of the tall green trees, trapped, losing life by the side of her loved one, unable to do anything, screaming for help. Eyes like a bowl of unending tears. What if we took a different route, what if I wasn't playing just like mama bear told me so, and just like that the pain that was felt during birth becoming ever so insignificant. 

Coming back to no bed space, and a mother drenched in alcohol, with bruised marks, not know what to do even though it's been 5 years since they were in this world, they sit by her side outside the door of the apartment crying, hungry and in pain to see their most loved one in this situation. 

Parts of the body scattered on the floor in a pool of blood, the most unthought actions have been done without consent, there can be no punishment given to the young boy anymore, for doing wrong things. There's only regret and guilt now. Forgiveness can never be given any more, and they said everything is forgivable, not this, this was not. 

Waking up with a feeling of anxiety, not knowing what to do, nowhere to go, no place to run away, everything locked. Being around people who don't want you around, still adjusting to smile around, trying to match the expectations hoping this will be accounted for. Hoping it'll be okay, hoping that day will be a new day, hoping that day will be the one where she'll be accepted. Nothing changes, the damage has been done. 

Again, we're in that happy moment, far away from the wrath of the universe but now really close to the dementors in our mind, it's heart bending the pain, it keeps - surfacing up. How do we survive? What do we do? Feels like no one can save us, we hide underneath a bridge of distractions, how long though? How do we go back up to face the world, when the comfort under the bridge makes us feel safe? We want to hide our close ones next to us too, no seeing the world anymore, we're safer here, doing nothing. 

This heart-wrenching anxiety doesn't seem to leave though even under the bridge, it's now becoming a part of us, the obscuring now becomes the only thing understood. 

What do we do, how do we fight? 

(Trauma can never be compared, it's different and real for each one, but this is why it's important to understand it and helps understanding another person) 

(Thought provocating because everyone has different ways to deal with this, so it's left upon the reader to ponder)