2021 - Dubai, almost 23 years. Is this a long enough time to understand life? Is it a good enough time to develop yourself and understand yourself? Do you remember every detail of your life? Does your brain even store this information? Can you control your emotions, do you know when you're going to feel bad, I mean it's a long enough time to figure this outright? Weird they seem easy to figure out, just start thinking and writing and noting down points? Seems like we're a bit lost here. How many more years do you need, 25 years more. There's still a lot left to explore and be exposed to. Get out of the country get exposed, maybe it'll help you realize your potential, they said.
The truth is the potential lies within you, your determination to learn and expose yourself. The world is your oyster, and I want to search for the diamonds and the pearls, and see what are the different ways people actually make money or even enjoy life because there are so many different ways to live life and that's very interesting and currently I live in the world with limited knowledge about everything.
...
Looking through the years, my best year was in college 1st year, where my mental health and my attitude were the best. I just made an entirely new identity for myself. Confident, funny, happy, also there was such a positive impact because the people I was with also helped me embrace the differences. However, I wasn't able to keep up this attitude. Jealousy, attachment & pleasing people consumed me or so I think while I reflect now.
...
Will I get to go out tonight? I want to start earning soon, It's going to be so much fun in Bangalore during the vacation, I can't wait. Childhood however simple it was, affects so much of our life after the 20's because this is when we are pushed to face the unfiltered reality of life. It is when we are pushed to make decisions. Because as a child for the longest time you just know that you have school, university and then you move forward. While writing this I think of the kids who don't have these things, how must they process things? With a smile on their faces, they go about doing things without any particular direction.
It's weird how we are accustomed to valuing our worth with what success our close ones have had. When I compare myself in relation to my friends in India, they probably see me as doing better than opposed to them. I wonder if this puts them under pressure to do better, or puts them in a place where they feel threatened or sad that they aren't able to figure stuff out like me. You must be enjoying life, you are doing very well for yourself, some people say, who think I don't have issues, these are the people who have probably least understood me or just think life is unfair to them. Who someone is to you, you are to others. I am not better than the rest when it comes to comparing myself and thinking about how life has been unfair to me. All that is required is to look at life through a filtered lens. Filter it in happy colors, look at the opportunity in every situation. Try to be non-judgemental and accepting.
The first step to moving forward is accepting yourself. Yes, you have flaws, there are quite a few, but no you don't need to look at them as a burden in your life that you can never get over. You can always bring change to your life. You can decide to start from today. There are a lot of things life will teach you, it will teach you to accept defeat, to value small things that the world generally doesn't teach you to value, to pull yourself up when you fall, to lose a dear one, to lose hope, to disconnect with God, to love others and oneself. There are characteristics we all inhabit while we grow, and these characteristics are the ones we should learn to live with.
Somedays my thoughts are just wild, this article is going to be one confusing one.
Childhood traumas are quite difficult to deal with. I learned that by not getting accepted by my family, I end up feeling left out and lonely and this is something I feared, which is why I pushed myself to please them. I learned that my love language is not giving, it's spending time with people and not all people are okay with it, because they need to see things in physical material or they don't think they are loved. I learned that people are so different than you, whether your family or not, and however close they might be to you they all experience and feel for the same situation differently. You cannot ever have one person by your side
Potential is reached when you accept and realize your potential. Speak and tell yourself every day that you have limitless and infinite potential and you can reach it. The universe is huge and your potential as huge as the universe. You just need to realize it, and how do you do this?
You firstly tell yourself, that you are a source of limitless potential. That one day does not define what you are, that every single day and your efforts every day are what you should focus on growing.
Second, realize that you are on a continuous journey to unlock your potentials. You need to keep exposing yourself to different fields of the universe to discover it. Your life is not limited to doing just things every average person does, you need to search, be curious, find out about things, remember and keep exploring with open eyes.
And sometimes, it's okay to pause - there can't be an exact definition of the time involved in the pause, but it's okay to do so, to enjoy the favors life has lent you, I say lent because you need to return these favors as and when the time comes, and this is our duty. We live in a world where everything is of a barter nature.
...
What do I do when my heart beats faster, suddenly I feel very sad, and think I'll be abandoned. What to do when I feel very anxious, breathless when I am so scared for no apparent reason. What should I do? I feel like I don't have time. I want to do things, but there just isn't so much time to do this.
2019- Ramzi found me online, it was luck, but because of the hard work in the backend. Elephant nation was a journey that I would describe as that turning in my life that opened and closed so many doors for me. Sometimes luck comes to those to put in so much hard work that life has to learn to reward us in some way or the other. So everyone who's reached somewhere has reached there for a reason, determination, lots of hurdles, sleepless nights, and passion.
2018 Dubai - First trip, scared to live with a new family, naive, less exposed ideas about the world. So many perspectives added. Determined to rise. Determined to get a job. Failed almost 300 times before landing the first job, worked really hard, was pressurized, had to face racism, had a manager who was always pointing out mistakes threatening me. Through the hard times, I would always push myself to come to the realization to enjoy the little moments, enjoy the big parties I could attend, took it all as learning, and wanted to be present at the moment 100% and gain experience.
2015 - College, timid, afraid but didn't give two shits, who cares. I wanted to enjoy life, my main motto was to accept people, have no judgments about anyone, talk to everyone, no discrimination was always smiling, no class discrimination, or gender biases, my only aim was to learn, to put a 100% in what work I did. I always wanted to treat everyone like family, lovingly and welcoming. Maybe because of this attitude I won three elections, always wanted to do something or the other for the people, also because I was in power as the elected head. I always wanted to give everyone a chance.
2012 - 10th board exams, determined to get out of, determined to rise, demeaned, and shamed. "I will do it", still judged before the results came out, passed with 89%, it wasn't just passing anymore it was passing with good grades now. The screams were pushed down by the sound of wings fluttering, it was time to rise.
Every little moment in your life is a small success, celebrate and live life the way you want to because it's not about you get only one life, it's about what you could do with that one life, maybe you do it so well, you get another one, maybe this is another one. Really who knows what the reality or might I say the unknown is.
Comments
Post a Comment