Latibule

 Latibule - A small hiding place of comfort, safety and cosy. 

As I receive the message on my WhatsApp group addressed to a client by my colleague, I suddenly am out of breath. I have a whiff of panic in my heart that I can feel outside on my body. Would I give up all of this to be in mountains playing with some children and screaming out of joy, while I particularly like to rethink everything I do nowadays, this answer comes to me in a jiffy with a wave of reality. 

How does it feel like to be consumed? To not be 'you' anymore. I would say it feels like I am perfect, perfect to the world, to the society and to the people around me. While you're growing up everything you do is taken lightly, oh - she'll grow up.....she'll understand, she'll be mature, oh she'll be independent soon, be smart, be wise, be prettier, be thinner, be a good housewife, be a good cook, and the list is endless really. 

What do you want to be when you grow up. This question brings me to another question, pretty amusing how we say "grow up". What does it mean to grow up? What're the criteria we're supposed to have ticked to be in this category? 

Many say age plays a big role, hmm.. many say, experience has a hand in. What do other people say really? As I sit here pondering over these thoughts, I look at my Image in the mirror, I see metamorphic indicators of dreams, hopes, expectations that originate off from my family, my loved ones, my friends & society in reflection. I don't specifically happen to recognize myself. 

We all live in a parallel universe. It's quite a show to have 7 billion stories which are written and wired to each other at the same time. I often catch myself in dreamland, of a place where these stories merge cohesively and form one destiny. 

It feels like a constant loop, endless of until the time ends, however, such a beautiful conflict we have with time, always fighting it. 

The interlinks between our lives, our time, our destiny, our role in this universe, our journey, our uncertainty. We're so fearful to lose something precious, our jobs, our house, our reputation, our health, of the people in our lives. We start thinking of what is to happen if something goes wrong, we're taught to be cautious, but never taught to learn to enjoy the uncertainty - but isn't that what life if about? 

While I shifted into this new place, I see a ton of messages from people who care about me telling me they think I am doing really well for myself, that I have achieved so much, that I make my parents proud. We let ourselves believe that what seems good in the eyes of society, is the best for us. Success is defined by wealth, by position, by power - it's an irony how these are directly related to our egos. It's what satisfies our ego of being in control, of knowing how things should be. 

We start seeing ourselves in the perception of others, what would others think if I did this, or what would others think if I went here, and so many more or's. It's quite confusing how we need to always remember we live in a society, and that we should know what and how to behave in society. Is it not, then so easy to be lost. Lost amidst the deep-rooted city follicles. 

In nature, you'll find wilderness, you'll find life, you'll find new experiences and you'll find yourself standing tall staring at your reflection knowing who you exactly are. You don't need to go looking for nature, it's right where you are. For a minute detach yourself from this world, close your eyes, no really close your eyes. Hear the sounds around you, feel, breathe, sense the air, it's all nature, see yourself in this space, and take yourself far from all the illusions of the reality of this world. You'll then see all of the things happening around you moving like fast traffic, while your standing still amidst it. 

Is it really time that's going really fast, or our illusion of it. It's easy to be lost, to be found is what we should really work on. 

I have forgotten that uncertainties are enjoyable because it's going to affect the comfort that is there now, in comfort there is stagnancy, in discomfort there is growth. 

Do you feel like you need a latibule, a place of comfort, safety and cosy?