This letter is as confused and directed in 10 ways just like my brain right now. Good luck understanding what I have written.
Illusions. As I sit cuddled up in my blanket, I acknowledge the feeling of loneliness within me. You know the feeling when you try to distract your mind from something. I really wonder why am I not even able to word it. It's like, I am distracting myself with people because I am far away from home. I don't know if this is the feeling people get when they are homesick? I feel the need to gain attention from friends that I have known here, to just keep my mind busy every little time I get.
What am I trying to avoid? 22 years in this body and mind, yet my soul chooses to confuse me.
Everyone seems to be having their own individual lives, is that why we have family, to feel a contentment from our own need to not feel lonely? Homo Sapiens - we all need someone or somebody to speak to, we all want people to care about us, we're the selfish breed, trying to encompass everything for ourselves.
We want the attention, the love, the connection, the bonds. Social media sites like Instagram, Facebook and TikTok might just be another form of gossip on a wider scale. While I blog my daily life in the Instagram puppet show - I realize the why. Will my entire life change if I said no to social media. Technically yes.
Unfortunately, I don't see a way out of this. It's like we're coded in such a way that these platforms take the most advantage to train our minds into whatever they want us to do, without even subconsciously being aware.
My thoughts have been revolving around the need of people, social media and the contentment to be with ourselves. Why do I feel like I am lost - it's been quite a while since I have been feeling this way, and even though my life seems more sorted than most, It feels like the more it's sorted, the deeper I get lost.
Was Adam right, I am a country girl waiting to be let free?
I have an urge to sit down with myself and listen to my thoughts, but every time I push away, it's like two opposing forces and the one with the fun always wins.
My mind is curious about everything, I want to know how to build furniture, or why the bird's chirp, do the dogs really understand each other. Recollecting recent behaviour, It seems like I haven't been that curious after all.
Looks like I do need an actual deepening with myself, focus on certain topics I have been thinking about and really reflect on how I feel about it. Maybe an island helps, or somewhere in between a lot of trees. Nature helps me connect to myself. I need to sit myself down and direct my mind to wander into the thoughts that really need the thinking.
I need time with myself, just seems like I have a lot to get done.
Country roads, take me home
To the place, I belong.
Are you a country girl/boy waiting to set free?
Comments
Post a Comment