The chase

DUBAI SEPTEMBER 20TH 2020

Baby don’t you forget me, in the most high pitched tone she sang. Gasping for breath from the spicy subway just finished, I reflect on the things that have been travelling in my head for a while now. The same question all over again. What am I doing with my life? Which way should I move ahead in? Where am I headed? Am I in the right direction? 

Disconnected from the earth, connected to lust. Are things really what I think them to be? Too many thoughts, everything seems cluttered. Emotions run in a weary manner, sometimes I feel too much, and sometimes absolutely nothing. Breath by breath it seems like I am alive, but am I really living. 

Won’t it so much easier to be blood, it knows exactly where to pump and has a particular function it fulfils all its life. Our complicated lives leading us to complicated journeys - are they really needed? A million things right and a million wrong, intertwined into knots, how do we figure out where to head. 

Lost connectivity to the spiritual side as I headed on a path I chose to travel alone. Over a month of supposed solitude got me consumed into the list of things or is this only temporary until everything is sorted out. 

Each and every second so precious it seems like I am heading nowhere. Ambition, vision, passion, depth, happy, motivated are a few things I have been described to be but am I really doing any justice to the words. 

Self-oriented is where I find myself. How do I change? Everything about the “I”, is it really too bad to focus on oneself I ask every day. Mindful caring days are long gone, now no more budgets, no more worries, and no more persistent cares exist. I just try keeping busy, seems like I am running and trying to escape something. 

What do I not like, what do I see that’s unfulfilling. I don’t know. Why am I constantly running? Time is the most precious - I feel sleepy, tired, but I want to run. These writing notes seem like they can be skipped. 

All I feel is exhausted. Uninspired. Unaware. Ignorant. Unmotivated. Lazy. 

I just want to rest.