The Abditory Blog

August 20th 2020 My heart feels stained from Rishikesh. Kuch daag ache hote hai, when I first stepped foot into the city, from the local bus that dropped me, it took me by shock, that the place was so dusty, trying to gather up these thoughts, I kept emphasizing myself to view the place in a positive light.  I walked towards my dormitory, with a big suitcase in my hand, my phone and my other shoulder bag, just usual me being clumsy. Ancient and rugged it looked, with a fake tinge of poverty, there was so much smoke, and the dormitory dark and small.  From lush green trees and fresh air to this, just didn’t seem to settle in me. As I walked out of the room, till the end of the night, I kept complaining about the city. While I recall this I can foresee myself standing in the dingy alley of the dirty restaurant trying frantically to call one of my four best friends to save me from this hooligan I had found there.  As I sit here in the metro writing this 6 months later, I rea...

As the soul leaves the earth, it brings with it a new definition of life in the people of the earth. Looking at death as a metaphor, it's funny that it teaches us more about life than breath itself.  The past few weeks have seen a reverse evolution, with many realizing the true identity of their being. Weeks of fulfilment, I'd call it. With the numerous terms created by us to solve the mystery of the earth, which includes time, memory, and the very concepts of science, technology, money, religion, politics have actually taken us afar from identifying the truth of things. In the urge to find our one true identity we have lost our element, that element that makes us human.  What does make one human? The ability to live here in the present and connect with the other realms of the universe, this is definitely one part of it. As we unfold our being, there would be many more layers/pieces we would find, and to each one it's different.  Attachment to every part of this world wil...

When we'll do anything just to keep other people happy, they can control us. We may bend to their every will just  to avoid a confrontation.  In the process of molding ourselves to become the people we think others want, we can lose ourselves. Conflict avoidance is  classic people-pleasing behavior . If people-pleasing doesn't sound that bad to you (why would you not want to make other people happy?), we're talking about the extreme here: where a fear of provoking displeasure or negative emotions in others keeps you from expressing yourself or trying to fix issues. Conflict avoidance often comes from a deep fear of pissing anybody off or making them "dislike" you in any way; in the conflict-avoidant person's mind, enduring a bad situation is better than fighting about it and possibly incurring somebody's displeasure. But conflict-avoidant people tend to have learned, early in their lives, that  conflict is a frightening, negative experience to be avoided a...

July 12th What kind of a person are you? Do you like staying around positive people? Can you sustain your true identity with people who are negative?  When the entire world was just starting to face the wrath of COVID 19, I was sleeping in the balcony, the breeze on my face, under the sky in the balcony reading my book. I had an entire plan for what I was going to be doing in this really important time that the universe gave me.  The first month of quarantine and slowly while everyone stayed at home, I realized that physical space cannot be effected until mental space is affected. Even though it wasn't too much, it felt like a big change. I felt suffocated not because I was in the house all the time, but in my mind, I felt trapped in an endless loop of being grateful and accepting everything. I was the prison keeper. It felt like I couldn't get out and defeat myself to the world.  I started to feel like I was just a body that was working in a routine, and couldn't fight t...

The world pauses as our thoughts run vary about the things that we think about and that are actually unimportant. There are so many instances where we connect with people, and when they stop showing their love, we become a little insecure. Why do we as humans need and want love and why do we crave that constant attention, is it that we are not content or satisfied with ourselves?  I wonder how we can be so dependant on love. For 1 and a half years I have lived with my cousin's parents, my aunt and uncle, the love and affection they show me is completely out of the world. Today after all the things that have happened, I feel different when I suddenly am treated like an outsider, when this was always the norm anyway.  I guess we try so hard to maintain our blood relationships with so much effort that in the end it's exhausting and just feels as though we are doing it because we have to. I feel sometimes like I don't belong here, I don't like when I don't feel the conn...

While the warm summer breeze was blowing through my hair, I was lost in the void between reality and escapism, you know when you're lost looking at things. My thoughts ran vary on what a fleeting paradox is our life.  It's almost as though all things happening, including the typing currently taking place all lead to are so insignificant, and we keep taking these moments to be our biggest achievements. In all honesty, what exactly are the really important things we should care about? What does life even mean? I mean it's one thing to see it for its purpose and all our theories, but in general, even when a close one goes away, life still continues in all its rotten form.  The mysteries that occupy our minds are quite a few, but really what are the ones worth looking for?  Is this detachment, I feel either detached or disconnected to this earthly life and humans. Many can mistake this for a person who doesn't care as much, or who isn't in love with her family and frien...