Death

With an exciting day coming to an end, my exhausted self was going to fall flat onto the bed. Just that moment my phone buzzed, a call from my friend woke me up, I picked up to hear her worried and stressed. Her grand dad had just passed away. At situations like these I generally say what any other would - ‘I am so sorry to hear this news, do you want me to come over now?’ With a very low uncertain voice, she responded saying - yes,could you…please? 

Frantically I began changing to get ready, called up 3 other friends and set to leave. Another call interrupted us and we were asked to come the next day morning. While on the way to the house, I was thinking about death. I didn’t feel anything towards her grand dad, I obviously was only concerned about her.

My first encounter with death, was when I was in high school - 12th grade. An uncle, my neighbor who I hadn’t seen in a while was sitting at the bench outside the lobby of my apartment. I waved with enthusiasm and greeted him politely. I went running up the stairs rushing home to put my bag down and lie down on the bed. It seemed to be a very casual day, even the next honestly, until my mum came and said ‘take care of the house, papa and I need to attend the death ceremony, uncle upstairs has passed away’. As my mom left, I recall me rushing to the washroom - locking the door and crying. 

My tears were uncontrollable, I kept saying to myself, I had just seen him yesterday, why did you do take him away god, what did he do wrong. What must be going through his family right now, and kept asking God If I could replace him, and that I would be willing to give my life in return for him. He didn’t have to go up so fast. My frequent conversations with God are almost unimaginable, I live on the concept of God being my best friend who I could say anything to, and it was normal as I had grown up watching little Krishna and his friends. 

Within the next three to four days, I gradually got busy with my own life and forgot about it. This imaginary concept of time, does heal all wounds. A few months later, my grand dad passed away, I asked the same questions to God, but only one thing changed, I was more mentally prepared to handle the loss of my grand dad and I didn’t wish for him to come alive. 

Walking inside my friends apartment and seeing her grand dad in the Ice box brought in a flash back of memories, however with my friends they were all giggles. It’s very hard to contain laughter at these serious moments when friends are around. 

Anisha had never been close to her grand dad, but the loss of him however saddened her to the bottom of her heart. Such was life I realized, we only miss something when It is taken away from us. We are selfish and attached to the material life here. When I saw my grand dad in the Ice Box, one thing had changed, I didn’t ask god to save him, I only wished the best for him, and knew he was in a better place now. I felt sad for everyone else, the fact that they would now only hold memories of him throughout their lives and never again see him made them realize how less time they spent with him. They feared change. 

Waiting at the end of the street, next to the football court, with everyone gathered around in a circle, the swami began the prayers. In Hindu culture, the body is carried by four men on the shoulder and taken to be burnt. ‘Ram Ram satay hai’ everyone chants. 

This moment when the swami began his prayers was exactly when the mosque near by also began it’s daily prayer. I will never forget the image in my head - standing at ease and witnessing this, The truth of life and the truth of death. Wind blew through my hair, I felt peace and the world seemed ‘one’ - united in those few seconds. The beauty of the blend of the man-made religions had taken a back seat. It ceased with purity. I knew that moment, Anisha’s grand dad was smiling from up above with all the other departed souls.

It’s 1st of Feb and I haven’t been happier. I am no even sure of the reason I am happy, it’s just a feeling. Ironically I got rejected by trinity college yesterday, and I was wondering why I wasn’t crying? Because the last time I was rejected by MOP I cried a bucket. I also got a confirmation from Geneva College Switzerland, and no matter where I go I’ll be happy. 

If I happen to live here in Dubai, I will shift out to my own studio, set it up, it’s been a dream to have my own place, whenever I think of my childhood I always got so excited with setting up houses, and have been following up with so many different Pinterest and instagram pages that inspire me with room decor. However, I do first want to build my career - and setting up a house can wait. 

Let the journey begin.