Marcid - Withered, incredibly exhausted.
Habromania, a state of delusions, usually a delusion of happiness, is where I find myself today. I often time traveled in a dream into the future, where I would work for my own company, wearing beautiful dresses, roaming the world, living in a big spacious green house. In the eyes of a bourgeoisie girl, I am quite a time traveler for Cockaigne, an imaginary land of great luxury and ease.
Today in my latibule, a hiding place, a place of safety and comfort amidst the chaos around the world, I feel afraid to step out, not knowing who am I, or what am I for, what do I believe in, do I even have it in me to make it big? Do I need to make it big? Where is the love of my life? Do I know myself? I feel in a sort of zugzwang, a situation where every possible move or decision is a bad one or one that will result in damage or loss.
An uncalled unpaid leave in my ad agency has taught me a lot. I want to unwind, to understand why am I the way I am. I feel like I am in a sciamachy, a battle against imaginary enemies fighting my shadow. Brontide is the only sound in my head, the low rumble of distant thunder, like something louder and stronger is coming my way.
I want to know what is next, I want to learn to control my thoughts, my desires, but I keep wondering if I do, will the world find a way inside me and will I lose myself then, will I be lost and in a solivagant state? Wandering alone? Or will I find myself in a selcouth, unfamiliar, rare strange yet marvelous situation?
To become all you can be, you have to love yourself for all you are not. I am going to try understanding and analyzing myself, of course with this I will have to put in a great amount of research, strategy, and commitment. All I can say is, let's begin and see what will be in store next.
How often do you get lost into a vorfreude?
(The joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining future pleasures)
Habromania, a state of delusions, usually a delusion of happiness, is where I find myself today. I often time traveled in a dream into the future, where I would work for my own company, wearing beautiful dresses, roaming the world, living in a big spacious green house. In the eyes of a bourgeoisie girl, I am quite a time traveler for Cockaigne, an imaginary land of great luxury and ease.
Today in my latibule, a hiding place, a place of safety and comfort amidst the chaos around the world, I feel afraid to step out, not knowing who am I, or what am I for, what do I believe in, do I even have it in me to make it big? Do I need to make it big? Where is the love of my life? Do I know myself? I feel in a sort of zugzwang, a situation where every possible move or decision is a bad one or one that will result in damage or loss.
An uncalled unpaid leave in my ad agency has taught me a lot. I want to unwind, to understand why am I the way I am. I feel like I am in a sciamachy, a battle against imaginary enemies fighting my shadow. Brontide is the only sound in my head, the low rumble of distant thunder, like something louder and stronger is coming my way.
I want to know what is next, I want to learn to control my thoughts, my desires, but I keep wondering if I do, will the world find a way inside me and will I lose myself then, will I be lost and in a solivagant state? Wandering alone? Or will I find myself in a selcouth, unfamiliar, rare strange yet marvelous situation?
To become all you can be, you have to love yourself for all you are not. I am going to try understanding and analyzing myself, of course with this I will have to put in a great amount of research, strategy, and commitment. All I can say is, let's begin and see what will be in store next.
How often do you get lost into a vorfreude?
(The joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining future pleasures)
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