27/01/2018
Saturday
The third year of college, in the student council at a post everybody expected me to be. Did I really not deserve it. I would only plan things and not execute them. I realize today that in most parts of the year I was so busy complaining about the things that were going wrong, that I did not do my own job. The job that I dreamed of organizing from the first year of my college. While I was thinking about it I felt awfully bad. Awfully hurt, to accept that it is my fault. My term's coming to an end. There's really nothing I can really change now. I didn't go along with my fellow teammates, they tried to make me understand, I guess I was too in my head to really listen and understand. I guess I was wrong.
Today, the only thing I take back is the willingness to accept it is my fault, To try harder not to complain and to make the best out of everything. I have never been in my shell so much as I am today. I don't feel like going anywhere, don't feel like talking to anyone. I feel engentado. (Feeling peopled out and wishing to be alone)
Deep Inside my head, I think, in a few years it's going to be a very small thing and will only make me realize it is a big learning experience for myself, I do want to better myself, isn't everybody already doing that, trying to better themselves every day.
I have too much on my plate right now, that's what everybody told me. I didn't end up giving my best in anything. My college cultural is in a week. I feel atelphobia (fear of not being good enough). Maybe someone else deserved this post more than me. At the back of my head my mind says to me, maybe God gave you this post so you could learn something from it. After all, everything is already written.
I started dating somebody. I don't feel completely in love. I have known him only for a week now. I have very mixed emotions. I think you tend to make the person you love just like how you want them to be, and I think I am making a mistake here, maybe he doesn't need to change and I need to accept him just the way he is. He knows for sure he wants to marry me, I am not sure. I don't think I will marry the first person I date, or maybe I might, but I really don't know for sure.
I have stressed my self out looking for jobs. In the past year, I have not done anything right I guess. 2017 was a year when I made a lot of mistakes, and maybe these mistakes will help me rise.
My resolution for 2018, as on the Saturday 27th January will be.I will work hard, I will try my best to stay calm, to do everything with my best ability and stop being lazy. I will give love to all those who love me and try to accept everything and rise over my insecurities and fears.
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?
Saturday
The third year of college, in the student council at a post everybody expected me to be. Did I really not deserve it. I would only plan things and not execute them. I realize today that in most parts of the year I was so busy complaining about the things that were going wrong, that I did not do my own job. The job that I dreamed of organizing from the first year of my college. While I was thinking about it I felt awfully bad. Awfully hurt, to accept that it is my fault. My term's coming to an end. There's really nothing I can really change now. I didn't go along with my fellow teammates, they tried to make me understand, I guess I was too in my head to really listen and understand. I guess I was wrong.
Today, the only thing I take back is the willingness to accept it is my fault, To try harder not to complain and to make the best out of everything. I have never been in my shell so much as I am today. I don't feel like going anywhere, don't feel like talking to anyone. I feel engentado. (Feeling peopled out and wishing to be alone)
Deep Inside my head, I think, in a few years it's going to be a very small thing and will only make me realize it is a big learning experience for myself, I do want to better myself, isn't everybody already doing that, trying to better themselves every day.
I have too much on my plate right now, that's what everybody told me. I didn't end up giving my best in anything. My college cultural is in a week. I feel atelphobia (fear of not being good enough). Maybe someone else deserved this post more than me. At the back of my head my mind says to me, maybe God gave you this post so you could learn something from it. After all, everything is already written.
I started dating somebody. I don't feel completely in love. I have known him only for a week now. I have very mixed emotions. I think you tend to make the person you love just like how you want them to be, and I think I am making a mistake here, maybe he doesn't need to change and I need to accept him just the way he is. He knows for sure he wants to marry me, I am not sure. I don't think I will marry the first person I date, or maybe I might, but I really don't know for sure.
I have stressed my self out looking for jobs. In the past year, I have not done anything right I guess. 2017 was a year when I made a lot of mistakes, and maybe these mistakes will help me rise.
My resolution for 2018, as on the Saturday 27th January will be.I will work hard, I will try my best to stay calm, to do everything with my best ability and stop being lazy. I will give love to all those who love me and try to accept everything and rise over my insecurities and fears.
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?
Comments
Post a Comment